I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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