drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
