I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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