The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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