Non-Jews are for practice
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
