is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
