3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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