So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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