matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
