i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
