you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
me + whiskey = a bad person
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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