Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They have beer where we have blood.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
