You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
