tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
