Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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