im six kinds of drunk right now
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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