Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
