I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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