Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
