he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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