i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
