This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
