coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
