Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize