she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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