then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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