You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish my penis had an off switch
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
