New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
