Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dignity is for republicans.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
