We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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