shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
