i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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