To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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