just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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