I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
