She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
