you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?