Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.

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  (334): nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder. http://tfl.nu/fuyv
  Replies (20) Good night (502) Bad night (5326) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  More like "Chia Pet"

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  (972): I just named my vagina "The Boneyard" (1-972): More like "Chia Pet" http://tfl.nu/ds7x
  Replies (19) Good night (800) Bad night (5060) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he said i ruined lesbian porn for him

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  (+44): he said i ruined lesbian porn for him http://tfl.nu/xboc
  Replies (12) Good night (857) Bad night (3759) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?

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  (715): hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes? http://tfl.nu/o98x
  Replies (9) Good night (5516) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.

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  (519): I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here. http://tfl.nu/gd63
  Replies (7) Good night (2730) Bad night (519)
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  (818): View more from California

  She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"

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  (818): She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas" http://tfl.nu/kk50
  Replies (13) Good night (4005) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.

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  (856): I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog. http://tfl.nu/f78e
  Replies (5) Good night (2207) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Um. I literally have no words.

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  (419): You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service. (1-419): Um. I literally have no words. http://tfl.nu/ua9g
  Replies (3) Good night (1849) Bad night (726)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with

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  (208): My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with http://tfl.nu/1h68
  Replies (5) Good night (1519) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.

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  (416): Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse. http://tfl.nu/9wwo
  Replies (10) Good night (3256) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.

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  (206): If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/sboa
  Replies (15) Good night (1506) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.

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  (510): I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it. http://tfl.nu/j8q4
  Replies (1) Good night (850) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?

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  (732): This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with? http://tfl.nu/hn5g
  Replies (4) Good night (725) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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  (869): View more from St.Kitts and Nevis-Carib

  I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.

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  (869): I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible. http://tfl.nu/0c9k
  Replies (1) Good night (183) Bad night (607)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go

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  (919): I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go http://tfl.nu/j7ma
  Replies (4) Good night (330) Bad night (91) Order T-Shirt

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