My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
