I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
