For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
