So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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