How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
