i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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