Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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