I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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