she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She needs sedatives and a leash
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
