come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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