k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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