Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
