i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
