upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
