I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
