names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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