are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
