I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
