Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
