tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
