hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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