if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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