I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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