just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
